34:07:26

We are slowly moving forward. The tiles are in at the condo! They look awesome! Why is the light flashing on my xbox controller? Only time will tell. Maybe it's a bomb! Gasp! Maybe I'M a bomb!
We bought a TV today! Yay! Hurrah! It was on sale at the shop of the future, and it's a great set and the price was right, so we said: "Hey let's get it!" and we did. Also, it fits PERFECTLY in the RDV. It's as if they were made for each other.
Did you catch that? How I abbreviated Rendezvous to RDV? That's how the cool kids do it on the Buick forums.
We did our taxes yesterday! Taxes! Tax refunds! Hurrah!
We went and looked at some more tables, too, and they were either too big or too small. Sigh. I sure wish there was an unfinished furniture store in Windsor, as I have neither the time nor the patience to drive to london to visit Corner Furniture, whose staff can't really answer an email properly. "Oh You gave me a description of what you're looking for in a table, and you're from Windsor? Rather than giving you a price, I'll let you know the store hours, so that you can drive two hours to come see some tables that we may or may not have." Fun=no. Three more days until I get the new speakers, too. Everything's comin' up Milhouse!

38:01:39

The big move is coming closer and closer. Well, not the big move, I guess. The moderate move is coming closer. The moderate move, precursor to the big move. I am finding that buying a new TV is stressful. Not like before, before I would look at TVs, and delighted in taking my time, finding the best picture for the best price, enjoying the search. As soon as you tack a deadline on that, even if it is ~38 days, it takes the fun out of it. Now I can't wait for the perfect deal, I have to find a TV and I have to find it soon. Also concerning is the configuration of the new living room. Not incredibly conducive to a standard viewing setup, let alone a 5.1 system. I know I'll make it work, but it will take all my craft and wit, jammed into the next 38 days. I still haven't called Giovanni to see if they've laid the carpet yet, and, if they haven't, if I can lay some flat speaker wire before they do. The problem there is that I am still uncertain of where things will sit. I mean, I have an idea, but that may change, and then I am left with useless, expensive. flat speaker wire. Sigh!
Still very excited about the new place, too, so that helps. It's interesting to not be able to sleep because I am preoccupied with plans for the new desk, rather than not sleeping because I can't It's still no fun, but it's definitely interesting.
This is such a blog post.

What's happened to me?

Also, I'm fixated on the idea of learning the guitar. The problem with this being that I only really like the look of one guitar. The Gibson SG, king of all guitars. Now, I know I'm not getting a Gibson, because I have <$2000 to spend on a guitar. Epiphone, a Gibson sister company, makes gorgeous replica SGs that are actually affordable. I would still like to play the violin as well, and the piano. I wish I hadn't been such an idiot when I was younger, and pursued my musical training, rather than abandoning it. I want to appreciate the music I listen to for more than just the basic sound. I want to understand it, and to be a part of it, even if it's only for myself. I would also like to take a stab at songwriting. It's hard to sing and play a violin at the sang time. As well, I doubt my ability to sing well, believe it or not. Well, things will work themselves out in the end. they have a way of doing that.

Terrification

It's driving me crazy, having all these ideas bouncing around inside my tiny little skull. I feel like I'm out of sync with the world, like I don't belong in this place or time. I long for the epic quest, the saving of the world through daring deeds. Maybe not even saving the world, maybe just being here while the world is ending, feeling as though something was happening.
I think I just realized that I am absolutely terrified of the blank page. The empty space. I almost didn't write this post, just like I haven't written hundreds of posts before, because it was easier to run away than to try and fill up that little white box. The problem is that the little white box looks big, it looks gigantic, and it's terrifying, how can I ever fill that? It does not make much sense, I know, because I could not fill it if I tried, because it's just a text box, which will grow to accommodate whatever I put within it's boundaries.
Maybe it's also terrifying because I have all these ideas in my head, I mena, I've been living in various fantasies as long as I can remember, so there's really no shortage. I'm afraid though, still, of something. I'm afraid of not living up to what I want to be, a Writer, with a capital W. It's too hard and I'm not good enough.
Well, of course I'm not good enough. I don't write! How would I be good enough? How often does someone sit down and tap out the world's best novel? I'm fairly sure it's never happened, so why do I expect that of myself? I guess it all comes back to that longing. I don't want to be mediocre, I'm terrified and angered by being mediocre, and that is truly ridiculous. I expect too much. Only in some regards, though, such as this. Anything professional, really, I need to be above and beyond, but without having to apply the extra effort.
Some days I'd like nothing better than to be mediocre, to be satisfied with the simpler things, to be able to relax. I guess I just have to keep working on that. Because the only one who can help myself, in this respect, is me.

Resolution

Feeling better today. Talked about what was going on, got some solutions nailed down, and a course of action. I bought new work shoes, too. I'm super excited about them, because I've always wanted Dr Marten's, so when I saw that had slip on casual/dress shoes I got them. They were expensive, but I've learned that you should not skimp out on shoes, especially when you spend eight hours a day in them. Mal bought a new coat, to. It was 1/3 of the price at Danier leather for clearance, and it has a removable Thinsulate lining for the winter.
I'm also excietd about dinner tonight. I'm making a turkey! It won't be as fancy as last time, but I plan on making it tasty. I'm going to use more lemon than last time, but no prosciutto.

I'll keep trudging along, if you keep remembering me.

though they never turn our the light - ...Of Sinking Ships

Dan Out

Squawk,

And then I burst forth from the darkness, the cold steel in my hand glinting in the pale moonlight. A spark of red peeks at you from the end of my knife, and then nothing, as I bury it where no one can see.
I'm have a rough week. It just seems like a thousand little things are going wrong, and it feels like God is trying to tell me something. I'm praying and I'm praying, but maybe I can't stop worrying or crying long enough to hear that soft still voice. Maybe not. Maybe I'm just whining, who knows? If you know, please write it on a post it and put it in a tiny envelope. Then write my address down, and proceed to tear it up, then burn it. As the ashes float towards the sky, whisper my name. Act like you remember me for me, like you knew me for more than an instant, and let your heart explode.
That is the best way to communicate with me.
I guess I missed the memo that poems can't rhyme, and have to mention food.

Sorry guys, i let you down. That "i" was intentionally left in the lower case.

Dan Out

Another night...

Peaple need sleep, right? But how good is sleep when it is fitful, resetless, and aggravating? All week I have been sleeping poorly. I wake up many times in the night, feeling aggravated and incredibly confused. Dreams consist mainly of working, so, not very fun or restful. This morning, my first chance to sleep in, I woke up at 8am, which is normal. What was abnormal about the morning, however, was that I could not get back to sleep. That's not entirely true, I did fall asleep, but then I would wake again within 7-10 minutes, after having more fitful dreams. So I got up at ten, read some webcomics, and then cleaned the office.
I'm grumpy because I can't sleep, and I'm dissatisfied with myself. I don't get this sleep thing, I'm eating 100% better, and I'm excercising fairly regularily. I slept better when I was lethargic and had potato chips for breakfast. That's a big double-you tee eff, if you ask me.

Dan = Out

Nobody Sings Anymore - The procession

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

Don't want to be an oily man!

Seriously though, changes are being underwent. We're moving! Next Month! Hurrah for us! We made a decision in the last couple days, which I am not going to post more about here at this time, as I haven't told Holly yet, and I'd rather tell her before all of you, even though all of you consists of mostly her, and some Dude and Mum, who both already know because we talked about it on Saturday. In London. That's all I'm going to say.

Ebay lady finally responded! She shipped the PkMn cards last week, so I should get them soon. Hopefully before this weekend, so that I can bring them over to Kevin's on Sunday, when I am going to be over there because Mal is going to a bridal shower that is on Moy, so I am going to go to Holly and Kevin's, but they don't know that. So quiet, ok? That mean you Holly! No telling Holly, Holly! I think if I can use Holly in one more sentence, Galen Weston will give me a hundred thousand dollars. We;ll See about that. hopefully holly condones the use of her name, Holly, in this blog post. Otherwise Holly is going to be ticked when she sees her name, Holly, all over my blog. I think my sister, Holly, will be OK with it. Only time will tell. What do you think, Holly? No Galen Weston. Maybe he is taking the bus.